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Because the New Yorker Won't Publish It

  *Radio fuzz* Person in custody has been yelling in her front yard in her pajamas. She is in decent hygiene but is displaying an erratic temperament responding to officers effusively. Neighbors made the call when she flipped them the bird for ‘not helping’. I am Officer Mayhew of Precinct 4 and have Stevi Alsdorf in transit to Ben Taub Hospital. She is a Bipolar Schizophrenic; lobotomy patient; over.  “May I talk to you, officer?” she asked.  “All right,” said Mayhew.  “I get that I have the right to remain silent, but every other officer I ever had played music for me or let me talk,” said Stevi.  “You can talk to me,” Mayhew said.  “You guys are so kind. Well, this is important. It involves the Supernatural. Do you watch Supernatural ?” “I used to when I was younger,” said Mayhew. “I’ve seen a few episodes.”  “Well,” said Stevi, “Mary Anne was working in a soup kitchen in Philadelphia feeding the homeless. I’m tempted to say ‘doing h...

Chekkit.

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 I figured out that I had become an enemy of love.  Me last night Something I wrote just now This was me a few months ago. I'd decided to shave my head again having sexually interacted with another man I really hadn't wanted to know in that way for more than the night.  I now vow to not allow myself to go there again.  I thank all my friends and fam for understanding. 

Cat Men (CW workshop story 2015)

 “Cat Men” Paisley couldn’t contain her laughter as she gawked at the contents of her sister’s freezer. A lifelike albeit sparkly pink dildo laid atop a carton of Bluebell mint chocolate chip.  “Seriously, Rory? The freezer?” Paisley said. “What?” said Aurora, seizing the icy tallywacker and wagging it in Paisley’s face. “I like to keep it fresh.” She returned it to its perch atop the ice cream and pulled out a bottle of tequila.  “Okay, let’s take a quick shot for luck. You’re going to kill it tonight, Paisley.”  “I don’t know. Last time I performed, no one laughed. Am I funny?” “You make me laugh,” Aurora said, holding up her shot glass. “To my witty and charming little sister, may the God of comedy smile upon you tonight!” Paisley followed suit and said, “To my lonely, hypersexual older sister, may you get a damn boyfriend so you can stop keeping Mr. Sparkles in the freezer!”  “Hey, Mr. Sparkles really knows how to treat a lady. Don’t let his lack of a ...

Non-Biodegradeable Transluminecsence

  Put cheer in my cup and buckle up For the next rhyme-- SETT is the name of Death, And matches, they say, are made in Heaven; But fire is the Devil's only friend. Chaos reigns on Mercury and Freddie wasn't ready For this jock itch. Don't call anyone a bitch And try to switch to just being human. "Better" is a lie and there's always a tie for brilliance, God willing, and Freedom ring prettier, please. I'm not here to tease anyone for their self-- Be: a mantra for when you have to try not to think Out of remorse or self-conscion; smile and listen. I'm trying not to nod my head off the face of the  Planet cause damnit, we're home. See your shoals Hold our phones Chiodos said baby wouldn’t last a minute On the creek and my girl got ink about it. Dry up the nasty old swamps And make the mussels atrophy Lying beside a box fan on a porch, useless  As lost soles of old shoes like crawdads in mud– Beneath the floor sink our essential-oiled feet into soil, ...