Stevi's Storied Life

  *Radio fuzz* Person in custody has been yelling in her front yard in her pajamas. She is in decent hygiene but is displaying an erratic temperament responding to officers effusively. Neighbors made the call when she flipped them the bird for ‘not helping’. I am Officer Mayhew of Precinct 4 and have Stevi Alsdorf in transit to Ben Taub Hospital. She is a Bipolar Schizophrenic; lobotomy patient; over.  “May I talk to you, officer?” she asked.  “All right,” said Mayhew.  “I get that I have the right to remain silent, but every other officer I ever had played music for me or let me talk,” said Stevi.  “You can talk to me,” Mayhew said.  “You guys are so kind. Well, this is important. It involves the Supernatural. Do you watch Supernatural ?” “I used to when I was younger,” said Mayhew. “I’ve seen a few episodes.”  “Well,” said Stevi, “Mary Anne was working in a soup kitchen in Philadelphia feeding the homeless. I’m tempted to say ‘doing h...

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 I figured out that I had become an enemy of love.  Me last night Something I wrote just now This was me a few months ago. I'd decided to shave my head again having sexually interacted with another man I really hadn't wanted to know in that way for more than the night.  I now vow to not allow myself to go there again.  I thank all my friends and fam for understanding. 

 “Cat Men” Paisley couldn’t contain her laughter as she gawked at the contents of her sister’s freezer. A lifelike albeit sparkly pink dildo laid atop a carton of Bluebell mint chocolate chip.  “Seriously, Rory? The freezer?” Paisley said. “What?” said Aurora, seizing the icy tallywacker and wagging it in Paisley’s face. “I like to keep it fresh.” She returned it to its perch atop the ice cream and pulled out a bottle of tequila.  “Okay, let’s take a quick shot for luck. You’re going to kill it tonight, Paisley.”  “I don’t know. Last time I performed, no one laughed. Am I funny?” “You make me laugh,” Aurora said, holding up her shot glass. “To my witty and charming little sister, may the God of comedy smile upon you tonight!” Paisley followed suit and said, “To my lonely, hypersexual older sister, may you get a damn boyfriend so you can stop keeping Mr. Sparkles in the freezer!”  “Hey, Mr. Sparkles really knows how to treat a lady. Don’t let his lack of a ...

  See your shoals Hold our phones Chiodos said baby wouldn’t last a minute On the creek and my girl got ink about it. Dry up the nasty old swamps And make the mussels atrophy Lying beside a box fan on a porch, useless  As lost soles of old shoes like crawdads in mud– Beneath the floor sink our essential-oiled feet into soil, and then,  Baby’s got the blood!??1 Loose nail from old boards,  Hang tight, como Christ, and bite the bullet. Find a hammer like Thor and Decide on doing something right. Earn us Paradise– Maybe by the Leg Lamp light? We all are claimed in spite of fame Brand names aren’t useful anymore Belt loop caught on the door handle “What’s up, Chris?” “Oh, you know–still trying to get on the Lord’s docket!” Be here happy Please don’t cry “Can you hear me knockin’?” Sorry, Try again next time! It’s not a game   And screw a parade!  Go back to the time when the men were all gay To begin they’re in hell  So it doesn’t do us to say but ‘oh we...

 My mom just reminded me of a song I had long forgotten--I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart *clap clap* / down in my heart; "STOP in the name of the Lloyd!"- Mister Stupid  We don't want to step on your ABC gum at the movie theater or anywhere. So I love my mom. Meanwhile, we are both in our pajamas at 3 pm drinking coffee and the sky is grey and it begins to lightly rain as we talk about family. Her youngest brother's wife's sister is dying of brain cancer. Mom's Irish twin just passed away last December. They were born a year and a day apart. 'An Irish Blessing' is the song we always sang at the end of the year in choir. 'May the Road rise to meet you/ may the wind be always at your back/ may the sun shine warm upon your face/ the rains fall soft upon your fields/ and until we meet again/ until we meet again/ may God hold you in the palm of His hand... She'd said she had been crying recently. It's March 16, John 3:16 'For God ...

       Next time Goodson's in Tomball runs out of chicken, they could consider serving bear quesadillas because Goodson Middle School's mascot is the grizzlies and someone brought my cousin Greg one to butcher while I was staying with my Aunt Paula. We just lost Aunt Wendy. She had her first child at age seventeen, having been born herself in 1959. I once asked her how she'd met Summer's biological father and she told me that he had been a couple years younger than her out at a local discoteque.       She'd told everyone else that the father had been Italian; my guess is that she'd just never heard a Greek accent before. Next time I go to Manny's Café on Highway 6 and West Rd I hope they have fresh dolmaldes (stuffed grape leaves) and baklava. You know, Summer managed to incorporate singing the scaramouche part of Bohemian Rhapsody into my senior graduation toast at church since she had been in town visiting and kindly volunteered to serve as...