Stevi's Storied Life

Once upon a time, a young Stevi would blush at a sideways glance. There was a time later when young Stevi grew into teen Stevi and became very jaded with the world. She wrote all kinds of sad poetry, listened to music that simultaneously made her want to kill herself yet stopped her from doing just, smoked Marlboro 27's and as much hydroponic dankity dank she could get her dainty little hands on. Then she landed herself up a creek without a paddle a few times and they medicated her color away. That Stevi could not, would not blush. She had experienced so much pain and humiliation that there was nothing left to be ashamed of. I'm not that Stevi anymore, and I'll tell you one thing. I just about died when I remembered what I changed my damn email alias to. Now, kids, when you really like a person and you try to mask your feelings for them, your honest intentions you hoped you could keep buried deep down yet wanted to shout from the rooftops since you first spoke to said per...

My headphones caress my ears With sweet symphonies All day long, morning til night Til morning again If I fall asleep I'm afraid You'll go away Vanish like a ghost Casper met Wendy Like you once met me Why not again? I'm losing hope That's a lie and you know Why do you torture me so? To bring out my inner Shakespeare Where everyone dies? Fuck Austen. And marriage-- Right? Correct? Am I speaking your language yet? I don't even have to try You know I make shit happen I get what I want Spoiled brat Deprived of her pudding I eat my meat... When I want to. I can be a good woman But the bad girl dwells inside Why must you run and hide? You're the wind... Sweet Zephyr beneath My wings, sails, sweet words Grow stale. Like love, want, need, Faith, hope, love...and I come full circle. Always back to love. But we agreed. Fuck always. Fuck never. FUCK THE HATERS! You're my Mad Max. Guess I'm just chillin out Maxin' up to...

Teacher says Adam was asleep when Eve showed up The woman knows before the man opens his eyes and sees her, His lovely companion created by Spirit and his own dreams, Here to love freely and dwell in a paradise garden... But how long can we let it be perfect? How long before we thirst for more and fall from grace? We chose knowledge,  the ever elusive idea of truth, We pay the price for our pride with Pain, separation,  shame, death. When what we thought we knew ceases to mean shit, What do we have left? What have we done to this world? Loathe the monsters our hunger brought to fruition, Both within and without And everywhere in between. Have mercy. I'm weary. Let's go back to sleep. When we wake, we'll know It was all a bad dream.

I'm coming out of the closet about discontinuing the use of psychiatric drugs. I've been on some form of medication for the past six or seven years, and it's been a wild ride that I've wanted to jump off since the beginning. I haven't taken them since December 4. Initially, it was really difficult. Withdrawals are a bitch. I'd wake up feeling hungover even though I made a point of abstaining from alcohol, but I'd might as well have snorted an eight ball and downed a bottle of gin if I wanted to wake up feeling that way. After a couple of weeks, said withdrawals began to subside and after a month, they went away completely. That's about how long it takes to get it all out of your system. I let a few trusted friends, as well as my therapist, in on my undertaking and I was met with plenty of support as well as warnings to be careful. I've heard all kinds of horror stories. Shit, I've lived them. This isn't my first rodeo, so to speak. But this...

You guys. I have a plan. I'll tell you how I happened upon it, but don't judge me too harshly. On Thursday night I journeyed out to the River Oaks theater to see Blade Runner at midnight. I had absolutely zero context for what was going on. My friend had been imploring me to read Philip K. Dick's novel the movie is based on (although I was totally unaware of that fact) UNTIL after the movie, when I couldn't help but ask some nice looking folks likewise engaged in a post-film cigarette, about the significance of the unicorn. Said folks ended up inviting me over for beer and I now fully appreciate the phrase "When in Rome," which the lovely lady oh so appropriately played on vinyl the next morning. Anyway, the plan...so the gentleman told me of his adventures as an English teacher in Korea. All you need is a Bachelor's degree of some sort and a year of your life to spend somewhere else. After that, you are free to take the money and run, at which point y...

2014 was pretty good to me. I learned a lot about what I want out of life, and above all, I've learned to trust my intuition when I know it's time for a change. I lived with another person whom I cared about a great deal but when it comes down to it, I experienced what is known as a karmic relationship, one I needed to go through in order to learn important life lessons. One thing I know for sure is that there is no room in my life for jealousy. It's a wasted emotion that leads to mistrust, isolation and discontent. In a healthy relationship, both parties should ideally be able to maintain their own autonomy and circle of friends, regardless of gender or past associations. It is controlling, selfish and unreasonable to ask your partner to sever ties with people they care about. End of story. We're all here to connect with one another and help each other grow, whatever that looks like. On a deeper level, I've discovered my own divine nature and have resolved to k...

So I got all excited over Google AdSense thinking that whenever someone clicked an ad on my page, I'd get a few cents or whatever. Turns out, I only get money if I design and pay for the ad myself. I think the obvious solution is to start my own business, create an ad and see what happens. But what to do? If I know and love you, I'll groom your dog for a fee dependent upon the current condition of your puppy dog, but I don't really want that to be my main source of income anymore. So, what are my other possibly lucrative skills? -I could just say fuck it all, move to Vegas, become a call girl and play poker. I haven't quite been driven to that point though. -I speak some Spanish. I could brush up and get some kind of translating gig or tutor. -I could tutor English for that matter. I'd like to teach English in another country one day just to live somewhere else for a while. -When I don't have a sinus infection that won't quit, I'm a halfway decent s...