Stevi's Storied Life

Screw this. Have I ever told a story here? Are my posts really helpful to anyone who reads this? Am I providing any real insight? What am I trying to prove now? Proofs in geometry were my favorite because they mimic life. Pretend you're the answer. I wanted to enable others to see my process. I needed to practice verbalizing my thoughts. I'd lost my ability to hear myself think. It's a shame that the truth as we individually recall it never fails to hurt someone else who's framed it differently, burnt or buried it for themselves. I'm not being haughty here. I need to say that for every person I've resented in print or cursive, hated aloud or in silence, I've forgiven them first. Now that I have nothing but heartache for failed relationships, I know I need to focus my energy on equilateral respect for myself and appreciate with my words (this is action) all who have contributed, shaped, influenced, pushed, persuaded, poked and/or prodded me into my ch...

I hate that organized racists and bigots have become known as "hate groups." Why? Are they not hateful? Yeah, but they're mainly stupid and evil. The bible instructs us to "hate what is evil." Most of these imbeciles have interpreted that as "hate women and gays and anyone who's not white." Because there were so many white people in the bible. And what's more, they only went to church for their moms, who they especially hate. So I'm taking back hate for good. I hate that the KKK has rebranded themselves as "the alt right." I can't even listen to "alternative" music anymore without cringing wondering if some Klansy youngling is also blasting that Simon and Garfunkel cover by effing Disturbed in his Dodge Charger, fully believing it's new shit. Ew. I want to extend whatever the opposite of an olive branch is to anyone who also wants these fools to drive off a bridge before things get really bad again. My mom has...

Honesty. I've posted things where I expound upon why I hate myself before. Self misrepresentation is a serious issue plaguing people everywhere on the internet and IRL. I want to be considered likeable by everyone I meet (unless I hate them [then I want them to die/don't care what they think) but that only applies if they're pedophiles or something. I want most people to like me. In my advanced age of nearly three decades, I've come to know that that's really true for most of us. I mean most of us don't go around hoping our convictions are off-putting to all we meet. Sometimes I pretend to like or approve of things more than I'm willing to admit though. Reasons for this include not wanting to make other people feel bad for some widely accepted thing, like porn or Cheetos. I won't eat them but more power to ya. I tried porn but I still wish half of it didn't exist (the child and incest stuff for certain...why are the sickos behind this shit not bei...

I just figured out that this blog is really just a face upon which to unload the products of my mental masturbation. Ahhh. My inner mother hates me for saying that. My actual mother would make a face. It was hilarious til I tried to take it further. This is what I'm talking about. Does anyone else get engaged to the connections they make between core concepts explained in differing fields and feel special for knowing that it's all the same but you don't want to talk about it because you can't make up your mind about what's what when it comes to whatever you're drawing parallels with? You don't want to be wrong, crazy or unoriginal OR rob others of the chance to come up with it on their own so they can feel special too? Do you do it anyway in the hopes of cashing in or really helping people realize they're just normal? I think making people feel normal is a more worthy cause than making them feel special. Okay, so that being said, we all have the power...

These things go hand in hand, particularly when it comes to our tone of voice. I hate the way I sound when I'm trying to explain myself, my feelings, my opinions, especially my opinions of others. We can all tell when someone doesn't really like us but doesn't want to be mean...or can we? We're all simultaneously much better and way worse actors than we think but I acknowledge that we would mostly rather not have to put on a show to truly be seen for who we are in this roundabout circus act "shit show" we've become accustomed to thinking of life as. I'm actually kind of a terrible writer. I have these deep thought trains that seem vital to share with others but then I get self conscious and lose the real message. I feel like preachers do that weekly, news shows do it nightly; we do it on dates and rarely feel as if we've truly been heard as a result. It takes work to set another person up to fully understand the context of your thoughts. It's...

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