Stevi's Storied Life

Teacher says Adam was asleep when Eve showed up The woman knows before the man opens his eyes and sees her, His lovely companion created by Spirit and his own dreams, Here to love freely and dwell in a paradise garden... But how long can we let it be perfect? How long before we thirst for more and fall from grace? We chose knowledge,  the ever elusive idea of truth, We pay the price for our pride with Pain, separation,  shame, death. When what we thought we knew ceases to mean shit, What do we have left? What have we done to this world? Loathe the monsters our hunger brought to fruition, Both within and without And everywhere in between. Have mercy. I'm weary. Let's go back to sleep. When we wake, we'll know It was all a bad dream.

I'm coming out of the closet about discontinuing the use of psychiatric drugs. I've been on some form of medication for the past six or seven years, and it's been a wild ride that I've wanted to jump off since the beginning. I haven't taken them since December 4. Initially, it was really difficult. Withdrawals are a bitch. I'd wake up feeling hungover even though I made a point of abstaining from alcohol, but I'd might as well have snorted an eight ball and downed a bottle of gin if I wanted to wake up feeling that way. After a couple of weeks, said withdrawals began to subside and after a month, they went away completely. That's about how long it takes to get it all out of your system. I let a few trusted friends, as well as my therapist, in on my undertaking and I was met with plenty of support as well as warnings to be careful. I've heard all kinds of horror stories. Shit, I've lived them. This isn't my first rodeo, so to speak. But this...

You guys. I have a plan. I'll tell you how I happened upon it, but don't judge me too harshly. On Thursday night I journeyed out to the River Oaks theater to see Blade Runner at midnight. I had absolutely zero context for what was going on. My friend had been imploring me to read Philip K. Dick's novel the movie is based on (although I was totally unaware of that fact) UNTIL after the movie, when I couldn't help but ask some nice looking folks likewise engaged in a post-film cigarette, about the significance of the unicorn. Said folks ended up inviting me over for beer and I now fully appreciate the phrase "When in Rome," which the lovely lady oh so appropriately played on vinyl the next morning. Anyway, the plan...so the gentleman told me of his adventures as an English teacher in Korea. All you need is a Bachelor's degree of some sort and a year of your life to spend somewhere else. After that, you are free to take the money and run, at which point y...

2014 was pretty good to me. I learned a lot about what I want out of life, and above all, I've learned to trust my intuition when I know it's time for a change. I lived with another person whom I cared about a great deal but when it comes down to it, I experienced what is known as a karmic relationship, one I needed to go through in order to learn important life lessons. One thing I know for sure is that there is no room in my life for jealousy. It's a wasted emotion that leads to mistrust, isolation and discontent. In a healthy relationship, both parties should ideally be able to maintain their own autonomy and circle of friends, regardless of gender or past associations. It is controlling, selfish and unreasonable to ask your partner to sever ties with people they care about. End of story. We're all here to connect with one another and help each other grow, whatever that looks like. On a deeper level, I've discovered my own divine nature and have resolved to k...

So I got all excited over Google AdSense thinking that whenever someone clicked an ad on my page, I'd get a few cents or whatever. Turns out, I only get money if I design and pay for the ad myself. I think the obvious solution is to start my own business, create an ad and see what happens. But what to do? If I know and love you, I'll groom your dog for a fee dependent upon the current condition of your puppy dog, but I don't really want that to be my main source of income anymore. So, what are my other possibly lucrative skills? -I could just say fuck it all, move to Vegas, become a call girl and play poker. I haven't quite been driven to that point though. -I speak some Spanish. I could brush up and get some kind of translating gig or tutor. -I could tutor English for that matter. I'd like to teach English in another country one day just to live somewhere else for a while. -When I don't have a sinus infection that won't quit, I'm a halfway decent s...

I think my last post made me sound like a total asshole. I love talking about music. I love playing with my hairstyles and quoting girly ass movies at random. I love my friends who laugh with me about it and share my interests. I feel like I need to change though, become more serious, more aware of the happenings of the world and its sordid history. I want to be respected as a person who knows things. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid I'll fail miserably. That's my biggest fear to this day--failure. And boy, have I failed. I have failed with flying colors, not just because I made some F's but because I didn't learn from my mistakes. I feel stuck at square one. I started this blog to empower myself and hopefully inspire others in some way, but I don't know if I'm doing that successfully. I'd like some feedback. I don't take criticism well, never have, thanks ego, but tell me your honest opinion about what you see here. I won't ugly cry. Migh...

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Sometimes I think it's all a big conspiracy. Life, I mean. I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist though. When things happen, it's like, "Well, I called that one. See? I told you that shit was going to happen." You can't just take things at face value, and say, "Huh. That's cool." I can't fucking do that anyway, for the most part. I want there to be some kind of deeper meaning behind everything. Nothing is coincidence. Everything happens for a reason mapped out in the vast cosmos. There I go philosophizing about life again. Why are we so focused on what life is? What it means? What it's for? All we really know for sure is that we're here right now, in my case writing these words, hoping to feel a bit more enlightened when I'm finished. I think it's this quest for enlightenment that keeps us going. We want to know everything we can, even those things we don't really want to know, the things we wish we could cleanse ou...

You may melt a heart by caressing a chest, make a Soul surrender to your sultry passions with a glance But don't let it get to your head. You must be very Careful how you treat others. Choose your pretty Words wisely. Don't say that phrase we turn over Relentlessly, those three words that can cut like Daggers. I've lived and learned that we all make Mistakes, but mind you, some are avoidable. Once you've learned, you must be weary or else Someone will come along and make you see more Clearly that we all have hearts and they are too  Easily bruised by those moments often taken for Granted by those who just don't give a fuck.  I've been that girl but I'll say it no more unless I really mean it. Then you have to believe me.  

Stuff some clothes in a bag, head out the door Stop and grab gas, pack of smokes, and some Liquid crack. Only take a sip when necessary, No time to stop and pee. Take the dark two lane Road for twelve more miles. Watch it vanish before Your eyes. Flash your brights just to be sure-- Determine you're still okay, you'll make it safely. Night driving is known to restore faith in oneself.