Razmatazz and Pizzazz. Pizzas Even.
I think my last post made me sound like a total asshole. I love talking about music. I love playing with my hairstyles and quoting girly ass movies at random. I love my friends who laugh with me about it and share my interests.
I feel like I need to change though, become more serious, more aware of the happenings of the world and its sordid history. I want to be respected as a person who knows things. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid I'll fail miserably. That's my biggest fear to this day--failure.
And boy, have I failed. I have failed with flying colors, not just because I made some F's but because I didn't learn from my mistakes. I feel stuck at square one.
I started this blog to empower myself and hopefully inspire others in some way, but I don't know if I'm doing that successfully. I'd like some feedback. I don't take criticism well, never have, thanks ego, but tell me your honest opinion about what you see here. I won't ugly cry. Might just tear up a bit.
I've been feeling that stinging loneliness that comes from sleeping in my own bed. Sure, I have Miss Kitty. She helps. But I miss the human cuddles. I had that for over a year. One thing I have learned is that you can get used to anything though. It'll get easier. I know I'm not all alone. I have great friends and a supportive family. I have pets who love me.
This is starting to feel like a pity party and that's not my goal here. I just feel this annoying need for validation from others. I know the answers lie within but it sure is great to hear someone else say, "You got this. You're strong. You're going to succeed."
I guess I should define success for myself. I think it's just learning my lesson and moving forward to the next one all the more wiser.
I guess I don't need to know everything about everything ever. That's impossible. People tell me I'm smart, but I feel so fucking stupid sometimes. I have all this experience, but what good is it?
Most of my recent experience lies in failed relationships, short-lived hourly employment, drug experimentation and stays in psych wards. Sounds like some really shitty Jeopardy categories.
Ugh. I'm being negative. Or am I just being realistic? I don't fucking know. It's the curse of never feeling like you really know anything for sure. "Know thyself and to thine own self be true."
Self...we have a lot of bonding to do.
I feel like I need to change though, become more serious, more aware of the happenings of the world and its sordid history. I want to be respected as a person who knows things. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid I'll fail miserably. That's my biggest fear to this day--failure.
And boy, have I failed. I have failed with flying colors, not just because I made some F's but because I didn't learn from my mistakes. I feel stuck at square one.
I started this blog to empower myself and hopefully inspire others in some way, but I don't know if I'm doing that successfully. I'd like some feedback. I don't take criticism well, never have, thanks ego, but tell me your honest opinion about what you see here. I won't ugly cry. Might just tear up a bit.
I've been feeling that stinging loneliness that comes from sleeping in my own bed. Sure, I have Miss Kitty. She helps. But I miss the human cuddles. I had that for over a year. One thing I have learned is that you can get used to anything though. It'll get easier. I know I'm not all alone. I have great friends and a supportive family. I have pets who love me.
This is starting to feel like a pity party and that's not my goal here. I just feel this annoying need for validation from others. I know the answers lie within but it sure is great to hear someone else say, "You got this. You're strong. You're going to succeed."
I guess I should define success for myself. I think it's just learning my lesson and moving forward to the next one all the more wiser.
I guess I don't need to know everything about everything ever. That's impossible. People tell me I'm smart, but I feel so fucking stupid sometimes. I have all this experience, but what good is it?
Most of my recent experience lies in failed relationships, short-lived hourly employment, drug experimentation and stays in psych wards. Sounds like some really shitty Jeopardy categories.
Ugh. I'm being negative. Or am I just being realistic? I don't fucking know. It's the curse of never feeling like you really know anything for sure. "Know thyself and to thine own self be true."
Self...we have a lot of bonding to do.