Stevi's Storied Life

It feels light and airy But nothing's more scary than Hit or miss When it comes to this I just can't get you outta my head More or less I think "I don't know you that's my purse" Is the worst Who can I call when I'm alone and all outta bread? And I know you see her And I know you need her You looked into me when you said "I don't have to get married-- I just want a PARTNER." And we may never meet again... But you shared your eyes to see The same vision as me only better Because you see me I don't get it Why couldn't I see it before? I just need a partner And you're the one I trusted And trust is the worst vice to have Because I always fail them And so will you But maybe not As long as you've got YOU I've got me. I'm not gonna stutter next time that I see you You know that's bullshit anyway I'm giving up on structures Built by some imaginary friend. They'd rather shoot...

Inspired by bad times ~1960 This is what I mean by "the tunnel."

Last I wrote anything of consequence I was still frequently getting sucked into what I've started referring to as "the tunnel." Nuffudat. Good news! The last of 2017 was GREAT to me. I wrapped it all up with family togetherness as usual. My family had been the only ones I'd really communicated with on a regular basis for a while there, so I'm excited to report that I had the privilege of reconnecting with a few good friends before the year ended too. I also joined a church. Tonight I met up for what they call 'Deeper Group' and I had a blast while accomplishing the title goal there. I mean I feel like I got something out of it and what's more like I really contributed. Hehe I'm so non-24 right now. Pardon my basicness but I just wanted to let everyone know (if anyone still reads this) that I'm living now after a much-needed temporary existence. Mere it was not. Humble it was indeed. I also saw the new Star Wars. AMEN!

Obviously I caught a second wind after half a pot of coffee. I'm ready to seek employment!

When I can't sleep at night, which is often, I typically pass the time binge watching shitty television until the sun comes up and I magically become sleepy, thereby wasting half the day in bed and repeating the process. I just finished season four of True Blood. I hadn't intentionally seen a single episode until two weeks ago. That being said, when I'm not caught up in a supernatural themed pornographic soap opera, I use the time to pray. Praying for me looks like lying in bed apparently talking to the ceiling. I live alone now and don't talk to anybody much but I've always succeeded in satisfying my need for verbal expression when there's no pressure in the form of a face looking at me as I fret about forming coherent sentences of interest. I read in a zodiac meme about sleeping habits that Capricorns just lie there awake dreaming for five hours before squeezing in a couple hours of shut-eye. Shit is true...hi. I've been here since midnight. In the past...

There ’s a life we lead behind closed eyes,  A place we likely leave this world from when we die But find ourselves to our surprise riding a bus up Highway 83, Somewhere outside Abilene, drifting in and out of sunlit sleep. If it feels like that scene only in dreams and movies, Where you end up in a bright white room, and even if it’s Green, it’s a good idea to pinch yourself, kick a wall,  Throw a fit! (It’s too bad you can’t fly).  Ask them to call someone else to come pick you up,  Take you home, bec...

For as much as I would like to forget, there are still so many things I don't remember. I don't remember posting half of this, for example. I've done my best to delete the profane and embarrassing. I don't remember where I left off with some of my most trusted friends. Furthermore, I'm not quite sure which, if any of them, would like to remember that for me or at all. I've tried to individually make amends with them, as inspired by AA philosophy and demanded by my conscience according to my Christian upbringing. Forgiveness is enough but the "even if.." part still fucks me up. I mean it makes me beyond sad. I am a person who needs to KNOW. It's exhausting to GET to know new people but at this point, I have to recognize these old friends as new people too, people I'm happy have progressed with their lives, yet people who no longer call me to say hello or bother to tell me anything about their lives personally. That's why I knew I ha...

I'm lonely. I'm an insomniac. We all know this. It's a bloody miracle I graduated from grade school. I spent the first 18 years of my life sleep deprived. As soon as i got the chance to "tune in turn off and drop out" I did. In the name of sleeping my days away in peace without some squirrelly little fucktard in my FYS (first year seminar) running in screaming and throwing my alarm clock down the hallway of our dorm. Jesus. Then I got back home and had to deal with my mom banging down my door, WORRIED about my lack of productivity. After that, I had to deal with nurses doing the same thing and demanding my blood at that. You can see my frustration. I'm probably doomed to join the ranks of Waffle House employees at some point in my future but you know what? That's okay with me. What's wrong with making enough to live on and just enjoying my free time as I please? Nothing really.. I just miss people I don't even know anymore. Making new frien...

Check out this new post on my original sister blog here... Film and Literature: Unfiltered: When DID Harry Meet Sally? https://artfilmandlit.blogspot.com/?m=1