Stevi's Storied Life

I've always enjoyed picking at scabs. The grosser looking the better. There were the kids who glued their hands together just to peel it off (maybe in one miraculously unbroken hand shaped piece of something that looks like dead skin) or the ones who pushed safety pins through their fingertips or ran their tongues through lighters to show it doesn't hurt--and any observing person of maturity would tell us to stop it; some of them later overplucked their body hair or tried suspension (not me...not suspension) BUT I still can't leave a wound alone completely. I once asked a nurse why I couldn't just pick my knee scab open instead of her taking blood with a needle. She assured me I wasn't the first to wonder that and explained that the blood from my scab wasn't fresh anymore, that it was important to get it from the veins where it's circulating--and besides, reopening the wound would actually hurt more than that needle and make it take longer to heal, leave an...

Nobody leaves home until we all do nothing together as an entire human populous long enough to see who still wants to argue that our "evil nature" we "can't control" will take over and we start killing each other over vegetables because people are historically fucked up and we saw it happen in multiple films involving the word "Purge." I'll turn the lights back on when the KKKlansmen put their pointy sheet hats on and collectively march into the ocean with weighted shoes on. I trust that's in their budget. Then we will kill anyone who tries to be the new evil head that'll obviously rise up in their place so we can rationalize not openly wanting them dead and pretending grey is our real favorite color. "Free Will" is just a Rush song (no Limbaugh)! If you opt to go to work in defense of liking things that will cease to function if nobody "makes" money for a day, know that people could still blink after they got guillot...

I was in a relationship with a guy I could've married when I started this blog. Sure, it wasn't perfect. He did stuff with my bestie's bestie twelve feet away from where I laid naked in his bed when we first got together. Pretty sure he washed his dick off in the sink. My bestie didn't tell me til I expressed interest in breaking up with him. Her bestie may have fudged the truth. I "shhh just let it happen" knowing I didn't want to live with my parents at the time because I was twenty three. At any rate, I no longer possess a bestie. Or a boyfriend. Especially a live-in one. Unless you count my cat. Which is very sad. What are complete sentences? That was a struggle for me when I started this blog. Forming complete sentences is difficult when you've been intentionally brain damaged. Fuck why? I've regained my ability to think verbally once again without crying in frustration because my head might as well have been "the big empty" at ...

I'm referring to the chakra associated with sexual energy. If I were ever in a position of political power, I would make sex illegal for all people under 18. I'd also make it illegal to profit from sexual activity as a minor (under 21) as in pornography, exotic dancing and prostitution. I realize that it's typical for teens to have sex and arguably "just the way it's always been" but it's still wrong. We should do everything in our power to discourage underage sex. Only then can we fully put a stop to atrocities like sex trafficking and child pornography. Guess what? If you're under 18, you are legally a child. I don't give a rat's ass if your culture or religion thinks you're a man or woman at 12 or even 15. Keep that root square til you're an actual adult. Think of all the problems we could solve if our energies weren't muddled up with all the bullshit wrought by the contradictory shenanigans we're faced with just trying to ...

Screw this. Have I ever told a story here? Are my posts really helpful to anyone who reads this? Am I providing any real insight? What am I trying to prove now? Proofs in geometry were my favorite because they mimic life. Pretend you're the answer. I wanted to enable others to see my process. I needed to practice verbalizing my thoughts. I'd lost my ability to hear myself think. It's a shame that the truth as we individually recall it never fails to hurt someone else who's framed it differently, burnt or buried it for themselves. I'm not being haughty here. I need to say that for every person I've resented in print or cursive, hated aloud or in silence, I've forgiven them first. Now that I have nothing but heartache for failed relationships, I know I need to focus my energy on equilateral respect for myself and appreciate with my words (this is action) all who have contributed, shaped, influenced, pushed, persuaded, poked and/or prodded me into my ch...

I hate that organized racists and bigots have become known as "hate groups." Why? Are they not hateful? Yeah, but they're mainly stupid and evil. The bible instructs us to "hate what is evil." Most of these imbeciles have interpreted that as "hate women and gays and anyone who's not white." Because there were so many white people in the bible. And what's more, they only went to church for their moms, who they especially hate. So I'm taking back hate for good. I hate that the KKK has rebranded themselves as "the alt right." I can't even listen to "alternative" music anymore without cringing wondering if some Klansy youngling is also blasting that Simon and Garfunkel cover by effing Disturbed in his Dodge Charger, fully believing it's new shit. Ew. I want to extend whatever the opposite of an olive branch is to anyone who also wants these fools to drive off a bridge before things get really bad again. My mom has...

Honesty. I've posted things where I expound upon why I hate myself before. Self misrepresentation is a serious issue plaguing people everywhere on the internet and IRL. I want to be considered likeable by everyone I meet (unless I hate them [then I want them to die/don't care what they think) but that only applies if they're pedophiles or something. I want most people to like me. In my advanced age of nearly three decades, I've come to know that that's really true for most of us. I mean most of us don't go around hoping our convictions are off-putting to all we meet. Sometimes I pretend to like or approve of things more than I'm willing to admit though. Reasons for this include not wanting to make other people feel bad for some widely accepted thing, like porn or Cheetos. I won't eat them but more power to ya. I tried porn but I still wish half of it didn't exist (the child and incest stuff for certain...why are the sickos behind this shit not bei...

I just figured out that this blog is really just a face upon which to unload the products of my mental masturbation. Ahhh. My inner mother hates me for saying that. My actual mother would make a face. It was hilarious til I tried to take it further. This is what I'm talking about. Does anyone else get engaged to the connections they make between core concepts explained in differing fields and feel special for knowing that it's all the same but you don't want to talk about it because you can't make up your mind about what's what when it comes to whatever you're drawing parallels with? You don't want to be wrong, crazy or unoriginal OR rob others of the chance to come up with it on their own so they can feel special too? Do you do it anyway in the hopes of cashing in or really helping people realize they're just normal? I think making people feel normal is a more worthy cause than making them feel special. Okay, so that being said, we all have the power...

These things go hand in hand, particularly when it comes to our tone of voice. I hate the way I sound when I'm trying to explain myself, my feelings, my opinions, especially my opinions of others. We can all tell when someone doesn't really like us but doesn't want to be mean...or can we? We're all simultaneously much better and way worse actors than we think but I acknowledge that we would mostly rather not have to put on a show to truly be seen for who we are in this roundabout circus act "shit show" we've become accustomed to thinking of life as. I'm actually kind of a terrible writer. I have these deep thought trains that seem vital to share with others but then I get self conscious and lose the real message. I feel like preachers do that weekly, news shows do it nightly; we do it on dates and rarely feel as if we've truly been heard as a result. It takes work to set another person up to fully understand the context of your thoughts. It's...

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