Stevi's Storied Life

So I got all excited over Google AdSense thinking that whenever someone clicked an ad on my page, I'd get a few cents or whatever. Turns out, I only get money if I design and pay for the ad myself. I think the obvious solution is to start my own business, create an ad and see what happens. But what to do? If I know and love you, I'll groom your dog for a fee dependent upon the current condition of your puppy dog, but I don't really want that to be my main source of income anymore. So, what are my other possibly lucrative skills? -I could just say fuck it all, move to Vegas, become a call girl and play poker. I haven't quite been driven to that point though. -I speak some Spanish. I could brush up and get some kind of translating gig or tutor. -I could tutor English for that matter. I'd like to teach English in another country one day just to live somewhere else for a while. -When I don't have a sinus infection that won't quit, I'm a halfway decent s...

I think my last post made me sound like a total asshole. I love talking about music. I love playing with my hairstyles and quoting girly ass movies at random. I love my friends who laugh with me about it and share my interests. I feel like I need to change though, become more serious, more aware of the happenings of the world and its sordid history. I want to be respected as a person who knows things. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid I'll fail miserably. That's my biggest fear to this day--failure. And boy, have I failed. I have failed with flying colors, not just because I made some F's but because I didn't learn from my mistakes. I feel stuck at square one. I started this blog to empower myself and hopefully inspire others in some way, but I don't know if I'm doing that successfully. I'd like some feedback. I don't take criticism well, never have, thanks ego, but tell me your honest opinion about what you see here. I won't ugly cry. Migh...

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Sometimes I think it's all a big conspiracy. Life, I mean. I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist though. When things happen, it's like, "Well, I called that one. See? I told you that shit was going to happen." You can't just take things at face value, and say, "Huh. That's cool." I can't fucking do that anyway, for the most part. I want there to be some kind of deeper meaning behind everything. Nothing is coincidence. Everything happens for a reason mapped out in the vast cosmos. There I go philosophizing about life again. Why are we so focused on what life is? What it means? What it's for? All we really know for sure is that we're here right now, in my case writing these words, hoping to feel a bit more enlightened when I'm finished. I think it's this quest for enlightenment that keeps us going. We want to know everything we can, even those things we don't really want to know, the things we wish we could cleanse ou...

You may melt a heart by caressing a chest, make a Soul surrender to your sultry passions with a glance But don't let it get to your head. You must be very Careful how you treat others. Choose your pretty Words wisely. Don't say that phrase we turn over Relentlessly, those three words that can cut like Daggers. I've lived and learned that we all make Mistakes, but mind you, some are avoidable. Once you've learned, you must be weary or else Someone will come along and make you see more Clearly that we all have hearts and they are too  Easily bruised by those moments often taken for Granted by those who just don't give a fuck.  I've been that girl but I'll say it no more unless I really mean it. Then you have to believe me.  

Stuff some clothes in a bag, head out the door Stop and grab gas, pack of smokes, and some Liquid crack. Only take a sip when necessary, No time to stop and pee. Take the dark two lane Road for twelve more miles. Watch it vanish before Your eyes. Flash your brights just to be sure-- Determine you're still okay, you'll make it safely. Night driving is known to restore faith in oneself.

Like Gatsby waiting for his sweet Daisy to return, I shine my green beacon out across the water But we all know how their story ends. His glimmer of hope extinguished with a startling crash This person I pine for has assured me there is no chance, but I feel like I have something to prove I've carried this torch up mountains, down into valleys, across the web and everywhere in between But I'm finally ready to put it down. It's just not going to happen. It's a misguided ambition because When it comes down to it, I was just a girl who loved a boy. Now I'm becoming a woman who can't Get over a man she doesn't even know. Hooked on an idea, as always. But I think it's time to snap Back to reality. Turn off the light. I'm not afraid of the dark anymore. I think I can learn to be alone. Half a lifetime of hopeless dreams have finally come to an end. Farewell. I won't look for you again. I call this prosetry and I'm aware th...

Professor mimes swimming, explaining this week’s assignment Opera sounds through the wall and all I can think about is the Past, how I used to raise my voice in dramatic song, give that Pitch vibrato. Pitches love vibrato. Now breathy air invades the Space between the waves, the notes slip out of tune, they sound Kind of blue like a scratchy old vinyl record spinning somberly at Thirty-three rotations per minute. Spins as life does, in circles and Cycles, doomed to repeat until the DJ has mercy and graces your Ears with the next movement. All I ask is that He plays something Danceable, something fun, something that breathes life into this Tired body, this weary spirit who longs to crack this hardened shell Around her heart, swim like a fish through shadows deep, salty Ocean hurting wounds to heal, back into the light. But alas, the Light only touches the surface and that’s not where I wish to dwell.

This is a little something I wrote one day at a coffee shop thinking it was kind of cool but probably not actual poetry. I incorporated it into my workshop story this semester, entitled "Cat Men," and people actually dug it, so here you go. Considerate literate Sapiosexual intellectual Psychotic neurotic Copacetic cybernetic Eclectic phonetic Radical fanatical Illustrious industrious Compulsive convulsive Mystical egotistical Rambunctious presumptuous Free-wheeling self-healing Optimistic narcissistic Creator narrator Prescription cognition Life in text is such a drag.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Seriously, don't fucking hurt me. Sadly someone always seems to get hurt though because people are constantly changing and our ideas of love are evolving each day. Whether you choose to stay with someone until you die and hope to evolve as a unit or you're more of a restless wanderer, never settling down, you've experienced love before. Everyone craves it in some form or fashion, like it or not. It's vital to our well being. We feel incomplete without it because people are wired to crave community and companionship. This is a musical explanation of how my idea of love has evolved through the years. First I thought love was like this: It was simple, innocent, unconditional. It meant family and friends and maybe even a purple dinosaur because I still wasn't aware of their extinction. I just knew I liked them. Then I got a little older and I thought it was more like this:  Let me be your wings? Are you ...

Zeppelin sets the tone nicely.  We've all heard the phrase "life happens." It's been happening pretty fucking hard here lately, and honestly I couldn't be happier. On the surface, it seems like I should be sad. I ended a relationship that lasted for a year and a half and lost the job I held for the same amount of time. Both new records. I was getting burned out though. I don't just mean bored. I mean tired. Fucking exhausted really, and miserable because I wasn't speaking my truth. I don't have a detailed plan about what my life is going to look like from here on out, but I know one thing. I will continue to surround myself with good friends who have been there for me through the years and supported my growth as an individual. I want to really live. I'll work and save and take off and see the world. I might even hike the Appalachian Trail with someone who sees me, really sees me and hears me. Nothing's set in stone (except the mountains...

So yesterday was an odd day to say the least. It was one of those days where I felt like something significant was supposed to happen, something I'd been waiting for, but something I'd convinced myself would never actually happen so when I got the feeling it actually had, I didn't believe it, dismissed it as one of my delusions and ignored said event...and now I'm beating myself up over it. Why didn't I just open my eyes? Stop and really look? I'm such an idiot.  I went to Montrose and drank far too much coffee and then went to see Daniel and ramble to him about this thing I missed yet again. He said it was the most manic he'd seen me in a long time. I'm sure the coffee didn't help. But I left feeling even more confused.  Then I went to see my lady doctor, and I'll spare you the details on that...but I left even more confused if that's even possible.  Then I went to class and had to walk out and sob in the hallway. So when I went b...