Monks & Nuns

You can stop picturing the devout bumping cleanlies on a pile of robes now.

I hate human nature when it comes to sex. I hate it because it sets us up for further ruin in a world that will not allow us the freedom to bask in the true pleasure of it as it was intended for us.

When we're having sex the rest of the busy, demanding world slips away until one of us remembers. This awareness that we are not all there is is usually signaled by an utterance containing the word "cum" because once it clicks that we've been doing a thing for too long without some almost material reward, we don't see the point in continuing. "You're still horny? Well my dick is soft. Where's the lube? Oh well. Work in the morning. I'll just jack off on the toilet before you wake up."

WOW...

I love sex. Sure I do. My first few times were pretty messed up but it didn't really feel ruined for me until I started having it on purpose/ on the regular. That's when it typically becomes an issue.

I don't know about you, but I can't just let a man spend his spare time ravaging me when there's no real commitment. It's a psychological burden, nay, torture, to be bonded with someone in that way without being assuredly bound to one another. I cannot keep getting made love to then subsequently put on hold to await a hypothetical point in time when you may or may not ask me to marry you. Dating is for the freaking birds.

Why should I scrape the doo doo parts off my overripe avocado of a heart for you when you're just gonna wait for me to make it into some guac then bail once we run out of chips? Bad metaphor. I'm trying to say that I need some freaking collateral from you. Oh yeah. I threw it out the window.

You don't give someone a ring then say you aren't serious. You shouldn't take a ring from someone if you don't trust them.

I'm ranting, trying to turn my own insecurities into everyone's problem. I love someone. I messed it up from the beginning. It'll never be perfect now and I can't stand the reality of taking time to arrive at a place where I know I'm taken. I don't need a man who beats up every dude who looks at me, but I want a man who I know turns-down-for-what. I mean he prioritizes my feelings above his pride enough to comfort this "clingy" little girl inside who is tired of getting left at the babysitter's.

It's like hanging out in limbo waiting for judgement day wondering if all this nookie is going to lead to marital bliss someday.

I just got back into school. I'm going to remain single until I've got a career and celibacy is probably my best bet. I cannot get banged out of wedlock all weekend then read a Goddamn book. Sorry. You fucked my brains out. I have a permanent fuzzy feeling my head like I've been drinking Irish coffee. Sexual satisfaction is a shitty motivator. That's on purpose. FTW