The Shittiest Things People Do

Outside of violating the 10 commandments (which often need to be violated especially in the case of honoring the mother and father because a lot of people have exceedingly unreliable and/or abusive parents)...

Children are constantly abused. Yelled at, put down for not knowing better, spanked, beaten and through all the tears when you're the little one there's really little to no difference how that abuse is internalized/experienced depending on the form of the abuse itself.

It rears its ugly head in our romantic relationships, friendships, work lives, school lives, sex lives...and how we utilize sex as "therapy" for as little as we understand it. We take it upon ourselves to engage in behaviors we normally wouldn't hoping it'll help us get over something we had no control over.

We have sex with other women to get over our want for a man who just isn't there, we have threesomes to prove we're not the jealous type or a closeted lesbian; we do drugs to seem cool and listen to music we don't like until we can hold a meaningless conversation about its greatness. We spend money trying to fix the things that bother us about ourselves so someone will think we're the prettiest girl they've ever seen. The most beautiful disaster on Earth.

And one day some man will understand and just love us til we die holding hands because we've suffered enough and that really would be a dream come true.

I met a woman in the hospital. She was in her early seventies on her fourth husband and the poor thing was suffering from vaginal and anal prolapse. She told me her husband rides horses. That's not a joke I'm going to make. I don't want to be her.

I'm terrified of getting married even though it's all I want at the end of the day. I'm scared to let someone have legal control over me. My parents have done enough in the control department. Sure. It was out of love and care and guilt and remorse because they wish they would be stayed home more on the weekends instead of leaving me unattended with some unsavory characters including a couple of major married-in uncle fuckers.

They bought me a Goddamn house. They bought the car I drive. They pay my bills. I "run off" because I'm ashamed of myself. It's just never going to add up. Something's gotta give. Cut the cord already.

At this point I'd be homeless without them and probably trying way too hard to shack up with a guy who would undoubtedly feel victimized by my unresolved inner turmoil anyway.

Look...I've got a long way to go still. I want positive action for people like me. I mean I want people to see that I am a normal person and I'm not just saying that. Fuck a stigma. I'm not looking to make sympathy gains. I'm looking for true empathy and that's hard to come by coming from professionals, who are pretty freaking clueless about everyone who walks through the door as a rule when the information they glean from the charts tells little to none of the full story and ain't nobody really got time for all that.

Psychiatrists make over triple the salary of psychologists. Don't get me wrong--it's the closest real life profession to being an Auror (like in Harry Potter) besides a P.I. maybe. Psychologists actually listen to the full story though (if you can pay by the hour long enough to get it all out that is).

Thing is, nobody can really "fix" you. They can listen, they can give you advice, medicine, weird looks, but you are the only one who can make yourself better.

Don't try to make someone better who isn't asking you for help. You might just fuck them up worse. Ask yourself why you feel compelled to do so and hand them a freaking card instead.

Families are too involved in the system. The system would seem scarier without that involvement, but when it comes to adults being brought in by their older adult parents, doctors need to focus on getting the story straight instead of this "shoot first ask questions later" approach.

Texas is a "mom state." It's also a freaking trap for disabled people. I'm legally allowed to work 20 hours per week but no one will hire me and my father "the only person I can trust" yeah, prolly...is my representative payee so I get to call him and ask him for money out of my sad check I never get to touch every few days.

I feel violated. I hate them both even though they were a couple of the coolest people you could meet at club HEY HEY back in the day day while they were snortin' the yay yay.  

Dude. I've recreated your youth so I could understand you people. I've begged for my car title, to take over payments so I can really be an adult according to my peers.

I'm sick of being a dependent. I call bullshit and I want a do-over. Rediagnose me. If there are any doctors in the house, I need to pass a psych eval so I can become my own beneficiary.

If there are any employers in the vicinity, please give me a fighting chance in hell so I can just get off this wagon. Thank you.

***

Some bitch in the back just stood up and snotted something like, "I wish I had parents to pay for all my things." And that's the person I really hate. Not them.

Because if that's your first thought after all this being said, kindly don't think of me at all. Keep thinking of yourself. And anal beads. You're good at that.

Mostly I hate myself for perpetuating the same type of hatred I'm decrying. I don't know your life; if you've spent four years blogging about it, link it. That's all I got.