Trust
"We can't go on together with suspicious minds"
-The King
I have trust issues. I think most of us do. I have the hardest time believing any man could ever be fully loyal (by my standards to me) while remaining tranaparently honest with both me and himself.
Today isn't the issue. I won't blame technology and the ease of use of x-rated images and videos online. That's not cheating...unless it's live and on a one-on-one basis--I'm talking camgirls. If you're paying her, kindly go fuck yourself without me in your life.
I've been a cam girl and I may reprise my old post I took down about my experience there after this brief message but my attitude has changed slightly on that front since I wrote about it two years ago.
Anyway, I'd like to provide y'all with a list of things that are not penetrative sex that I still consider cheating (you know, for all you rationalizers and loophole liars). It goes like this here:
-Lapdances
-Paying ANY MONEY WHATSOEVER to strippers/exotic dancers/any bitch who ain't there working retail
-3-ways/ uninclusive groupsex (it ain't gay but if you don't invite ME it's still cheatiiiing).
-Cyber sex (suggestive chat)
-Sexting (the direct exchange of sexually explicit photos on a one-to-one basis)
-Touching outside of a quick friendly hug or a greeting peck on the cheek or maybe a hand on the shoulder for sympathy)
-Kissing anywhere else but cheek
-Oral sex should be a given
-Handjobs too you entitled pricks
-Piggyback rides/ playful holding/ giggly grabassery
-Masturbating thinking about someone who isn't me (if you know them personally)
-Taking another woman out on your dime
-Cuddling
-Sleeping in a shared space
-Intimate discussions about things in your life I'm unaware of because you haven't let me in
Now that's out there can you see why I have such a dofficult time believing any man could ever abide by that? Men--please riddle me that. What does your picture of loyalty look like when you tell someone you love them?
I think it's important to have friends outside a relationship of course but it's equally important to introduce them to your significant other if you want to keep it 100. And I need that.
I can't deign to hear about other women in your life and worry without ever having seen their faces and that bring said it's ridiculous to be with someone if you don't want them to know the people who know you best.
Do not tell a person you love them if you're not there yet. They may say it to you but instead of taking the easy way out, please take the time (potentially frustrating as it may be) to communicate how you really feel and give them an adequate reality check in express terms that won't confuse their love chem addled minds and they can make informed decisions about how to approach your connection...because the connection is what keeps you together, despite the words you say.
I need blunt honesty and a little dash of reassurance never hurt from time to time. The more openness, the deeper the connection, and the deeper connection, the better the sex and the better the sex, well why worry?
Sadly, when you're having sex it does boil down to that. And let's face it--we all have our doubts.