My Month as a Cam-Ho
When I actively watch porn, I feel as if I’ve been staring at my own dump for too long. There’s something almost beautiful about it but then I take a whiff and acknowledge the fact that I’m literally admiring feces. Google reveals images I’d like to wash my brain out with soap over. Why are the women all so shrill, the fetishes incest and otherwise perverted, disgusting, and immoral in disturbingly unhot ways? Why are people engaging in creating this shit?
Seriously, I want to know. That’s not why I decided to masturbate on camera for money, essentially becoming a virtual prostitute. It’s what I learned by thinking it would be a fun and exciting new way to make money for myself and get over my own alleged and self-acknowledged hang-ups. I had already recorded videos of myself cumming solo to avoid the dreaded internet search and enjoyed getting off on my own smut. Why not share it with others who might be tired of the same old garbage too?
I was wrong--If I had a dollar for every time somebody asked me if I did “daddy/daughter roleplay” I’d be typing this from my hyperbolic private island, Mr. Warbucks. Funny thing is, I was coaxed into a sort of real life roleplay scenario of that nature with a hottie who’d fallen for the British accent I'd faked when some chumps ousted me from the VIP section at some gay club for an epileptic killing DJ set my friend didn't show up to and invited me back to his place. It was his way of playfully punishing me for lying. In the moment, it made me squirt. In hindsight, I didn’t know how to feel about it. The Elektra Complex and Oedipus bullshit should’ve died a long time ago. Why is this idea so pervasive in our culture behind closed doors? I wondered if it was helpful to act it out with a totally unrelated stranger in some twisted way. Then I buried it.
Alas, it came up during my endeavor time and time again, among other things like brother/sister. Maybe Freud wasn’t so off? I realized I was really doing something awful when a guy logged on with his sleeping wife in the next room and paid to see my tits. Yes, I got sucked in. I went the whole nine. I absorbed the chatter, whatever the content, played along to the best of my ability and masturbated camera to camera with random guys from around the continent, some of which were quite attractive. #PANGAEA
Forget the taboo gross stuff for a minute while we expound upon our typical cam sex customer. He is the caveman ready to rage fuck you through the screen because he hath no woman physically in his dwelling and if he does, she’s not having it or he’s just not into it today. I got paid to watch a man lovingly suck his own dick. I didn’t even know that was possible.
Your average camgirl varies and she can make as much as a million per year if she’s well-liked and puts in the hours. Personally, a friend referred me to Streamate and the most I made in a week was $130. I spent five hundred and fifty minutes online, ninety-six of which were paid. I charge $2.99 per minute for my premium rate and $5.99 for exclusive. That’s about $14.50 per hour for nine hours of “work.” I could be making more as a bartender or a waitress if we’re being real. The next few weeks, I only put in a few hours and made anywhere from $30-$70.
I did wonder why I wasn’t making more and someone told me that site just wasn’t the best for traffic. She works for Chaturbate and MyFreeCams and brings in enough to live on and take vacations to boot. I’ve considered branching out and trying other sites but I think the month long experiment may have been enough to quell my curiosity and fill my gas tank.
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I wrote this originally two years ago trying to be diplomatic about the fact that technology is so interwoven into our sexual behavior today. I believe self-expression and masturbation are healthy but I still have little tolerance for married people who can't be satisfied with one another. I especially have a problem with knowing women are being lied to by their husbands, who are still essentially paying hookers at the end of the day; actually, around 2:30 pm from what I observed. Peak hours, boss.
I wish there were a safe place for all this but the fact of the matter is that sexual exploitation is not a safe activity. Consensual or not, legal or not, it impacts what would otherwise still be dysfunctional families because we are already bought and sold on sex as a commodity in our society and all over the world and no matter how moral we try to be, some part of that infects all our minds.
We’re all forced to confront the fact that we aren't the only living being our S.O. gets hard/wet over at some point. It’s just gross I've had to make such a big deal out of what could be none of my damn business. Shit--I've undoubtedly become part of other people's business because the local dog wash didn't call me back and I got antsy thinking about all my boyfriends getting sweaty in front of their screens. I wanted to see what it was like to be the girl on the other side of the coin. FYI--it didn't really make me feel better in the long run. I cried on camera once and I'm pretty sure some underage boys got me to say juvenile phrases and assorted fart words.
I got my name off a freakin road sign. I found out by random text that they replaced me with another model because the name was so provocative. The O.G. Lillie Lange is rolling over somewhere beneath the Texas hills right now. They have eyes you know...and apparently also things called VPNs. I should've paid more attention in my computer class.
Yeah. I'm thinking about doing it again now as a sting operation. I'll tell your wife, son! Or your mom. Don't do it. You'll go blind. Well, your *imagination* will. Don't fuck up your worldviews like that, people.
Just be old enough and otherwise unattached and I ain't got no prollem with you.
https://chaturbate.com/in/?tour=LQps&campaign=3gAj6&track=default&room=pizzalover999